A Letter to Merry
I write to you today to apologize for my absence over the last week. I have been moved to the Upper Courts, and my work has increased – I fought for the freedom of Florentia Oberon, if you have heard. I’m still growing accustomed to how fast the news travels in the Greens. I suppose you listen in a much different circle than I do. I must use great discretion in our meetings now – I feel often that many eyes are on me now. The Ravens have become more than a quiet group of dissidents, and I am worried about bringing attention to you. Please trust that I would never want to put you into danger.
I have done a great many things for the Ravens as of late in addition to my legal work. I have seen sights that I had never expected, and have walked into the great sealed doors of the Grey Spiders. I have walked with the Order of the Torrent, captured the Temple Hill Slasher, and boarded a Chelish battleship. I have made allies from all walks of life, reaching a wide net out to try and prepare for the inevitable. We have moved our hiding spots again, continuing to scatter and move whenever we can. And through it all, I have thought about a time when we do not have to concern ourselves with this.
I find my nights to be sleepless lately, and I fear what will come. When I do sleep, I dream of…I dream of a wood, deep and verdant. A massive black mountain that towers above me, and a pressure that I have never felt. I wake feeling more tired than ever. Merry, I worry about my mind as of late. Lena insists that I am simply pushing myself too hard. That I am taking on too much. But I cannot give up any of these responsibilities – there is too much depending on me. I do not tell you these things to worry you, but so that you may understand why I have been erratic in trying to visit. Whatever happens, please know that I want nothing but the best for you Merry.
There is a serious chance that I may not live through what is to come. If I fall, please, do one thing for me – use whatever connections you can to protect Lena Farrowfell. She is a good person, and she reminds me so much of Guinevere. Her, and Maxwell Hearthrise – they will protect you even if I do not…if I cannot make it back from what comes. I cannot understand why these people trust me to lead them, I cannot fathom what makes them see me in such a light. But if this revolution does fail, please find a way to tell our story. To let the people know that one can stand against a tyrant, even if they are afraid, even if they need a mask, even if they are uncertain.
I know I ramble. It is due to nerves and sleeplessness. Lena has taken to spiking my tea some nights to make certain that I sleep. I have come to wait for those night, as the dreams are less frequent. My dreams, Merry….they are so rarely pleasant ones anymore. I had one, though, several nights back….Kintargo was freed, and we lived in the Greens in a modest home, well-maintained and cleaned. It was filled with song and the scent of mint. We had made a quiet life for ourselves, and I knew it was a good one. It was the best sleep I have had in weeks, and I woke with a nostalgia for something that had never been.
I will find a way to visit this week. I do not mean this letter to seem unhappy – but you have wanted me to be more open and honest, even if it is not always with the best of news. I remember that I wrote your sister at one point – I am unsure if I had mentioned that previously. She was….not pleasant. I want to make it very clear that I am proud of you – you have created a life for yourself with the freedom that you have. I can only hope that you understand that, regardless of what happens in the days to come.
Know that I love you now the same as I loved you then. You are the best of women, and a true rose in a garden of thorns.
It’s so good to hear from you. I have thought of you often this week – one hears so many things about the Silver Ravens, from the outlandish to the terrifyingly possible. I sometimes think I worry about you just as much as you worry about me! Please try to keep yourself as safe as you can.
Things have been going well for me. I get to create such beautiful things! Isadora has been so kind, and the girls are all so accepting. I thought we had something of a sisterhood at the Lion, but I’m realizing now that a lot of things I thought were true during that time in my life were not. I do consider myself astonishingly lucky to have ben given the opportunities that I currently have, though.
I am troubled to hear of the sleeplessness and strange dreams you have been experiencing, although with all you have experienced as of late I’m not surprised. I find that the remedy that works best for me when I am overwhelmed is simply to take a break. I know there are a lot of people depending on you, but no one can keep going non-stop forever. I hope you will have a moment to come see me this week – I would feel much better if I were able to comfort you in person.
I appreciate that you are trying to be more open, even if the things you say occasionally worry me. You can be assured that I would worry more not knowing. I am surprised that you were able to get in touch with my sister – she is typically difficult to track down – though knowing your persistence perhaps I shouldn’t be. Rose can be difficult to deal with, and I can only imagine what she said to you. She has a good heart, though.
Even when the world around us is challenging, you bring me such indescribable happiness. I hope that someday soon we will be able to have the life that you dream of. I love you.
While I cannot simply take a break – not at this time, anyhow – I will come to see you this week. There are many people watching and listening to me, and I need to maintain vigilance for their sake, if not my own. I will continue to be as opaque in my dealings as I can be. Your sister expressed in her most recent letter a belief that she would be returning to Kintargo shortly to visit you – I must say that our interactions together have not been the most pleasant. In fact, I am fairly certain half of her motivation in visiting is simply to try and shut my mouth. I will trust your judgment that she has a good heart, despite my lack of evidence at this point.
I will come to your room this week. When you are ready for my visit, light two lanterns in the window. I find myself wandering the city often at night in some form or another, and I will see. Perhaps then we can talk about what is to come. I am glad that you are safe, that you are surrounded by people who care for you – it relieves some of the pains of my situation to know that.